Sure, there are a lot of sex toys and sex games you can buy to enhance your sex life. But you may be overlooking one of the best aphrodisiac tools at your disposal: your rear end. The truth is, when it comes to exploring your sexual desires, erotic spanking is the best place to start. You can wade into the pool of hedonistic bliss without diving headlong into a frighteningly dark deep end. (Oh, and erotic spanking is also a proven method for increasing blood flow down under-and we all know what that means.)
Before you get started, though, you’ll want to make sure you’re engaging in a way that’s safe, consensual, considerate, and fun. Maybe you’re wondering: What does spanking feel like? How do I begin to introduce erotic spanking to my relationship? Herein, you’ll find easy-to-follow pointers to guide you in your erotic spanking adventures.
1. Discuss your erotic spanking desires.
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While there’s nothing wrong with spontaneity, giving a heads up that you’d like to strike or be struck by your partner is a wise move. To get the most out of a foray into spanking, both the spanker and the spankee need to want the experience. In the heat of the moment isn’t the best time to gauge where everybody’s at.
If you want to be spanked, you might start this conversation with something along the lines of: “I’ve been thinking that I’d like to be spanked. Is that something you’d like to help me experience?” If being the spanker is getting you excited, go with something like: “Your butt looks so spankable. How do you feel about me doing that to you?” As with any new thing you want to explore in your sex life, being clear is more likely to realize your desires.
2. BID on your experience.
Sex and relationships coach Effy Blue recommends that you use a mnemonic device called BIDing in your sex prep (it stands for Boundaries, Intentions, and Desires), especially when power exchange is involved. Here’s how it works.
- A boundary is something that you do not want to do.
- An intention is a mindset that sets the tone for the experience based on one’s values and a desire in this is something that you want to experience, but don’t have expectations for.
- A desire is something that you want, or want to do.
A spankee’s boundary might be: “Don’t leave welts.” Their intention could be: “I want to add new sensations and dynamic to our sexy time.” A desire might be: “I want to feel like I’m being punished for being naughty.”
3. Assume your rolls.
While some people focus on the pure sharp, stinging, sensation of the physical act, for many people, the appeal of erotic spanking is all in the power exchange. Power exchange involves a submissive partner-or “sub” or “bottom”-willingly and voluntarily relinquishing control to a dominant partner-or “dom” or “top”-for a particular situation. This relationship could be for a period of time or exist on an ongoing basis.
In your pre-game chat with your partner, discuss which one of these roles you and your partner like best or, if you’re unsure, take turns at being the dominant partner or the submissive one. From here, you can, if you wish, flesh out the roles. Here are a few starting ideas, straight from the dregs of the Internet’s vast trove of sex stories: “a high class chef and a woman complaining about perfectly good food,” “a bedouin tribesman and a lady paleontologist who wants him to move his tent,” and “a professor and female handyman who thinks he’s a wimp.”